On My Own [Act 1] | Atticus

[eloise darmody]

After reading the last message from Atticus, Eloise slid her phone in to the back pocket of her jean shorts. She turned, glancing in the mirror for a long moment, making sure that she looked presentable. She was dressed simply, ruffly pink tank, jean shorts and sandals. Her long, wavy brown hair had been left to it’s own devices and cascaded down her back. Turning away from the mirror, she hopped down the stairs and moved in to the kitchen. Her mother had wanted her to bring food over to Atticus, and had told Ellie so before leaving to see if Ben’s parents needed anything.

Pulling the grits out of the fridge (her mother had already packaged them) she exited the house through her kitchen door. Eloise didn’t bother to lock up behind her, the family’s two German Shepherds were home and Atticus only lived next door. She wouldn’t be gone long and if someone wanted to kill her badly enough, it wouldn’t matter if she locked the door. Walking across the side lawn, she crossed in to the Donahue’s property still clutching the dish.

Atticus had said that he was finishing up in the greenhouse, and so rather than knocking on the front door, Eloise made her way around back toward the greenhouse. She had no qualms about being on the Donahue’s property, she had known them for years and had been over the house many times with her parents. Ellie made her way over to the greenhouse, and slowly opened the door. ”Atticus?” Eloise called out, poking just her head in.

[Deleted]

Within the confines of the greenhouse the air was swathed thick with moisture and the smell of exotic and alluring seedlings that, under these feigned subtropic conditions, grew robust like wildfire in the middle of the woods. This place was Atticus’s hideaway- quiet, well maintained, and strange horticultural blooming all sorts of curious and remarkable wonders that would make the average person wide-eyed with awe, lined up row by row and carefully labeled with the care of a proud father. The benefits of being a foster child to the wealthy- generally, you got whatever you asked for.

Atticus sat at his desk fashioned out of old lawn furniture, a hand-me-down lamp, a microscope, some pens and papers covered with Atticus’s sleek catholic-schooled cursive. His posture hunched in the throes of explorative inquiry, swarths of dark curls falling into his preoccupied somber eyes. To his left was his cell phone, which he had placed down what only seemed seconds ago- before he heard Eloise’s familiar voice ringing out through heavy air like an aerial harmony. He looks up, startled at first, though he was not prone to forgetfulness his mind had been… preoccupied as of late.

It was Eloise. Suddenly, he remembers the text he had sent seconds ago and places his pen down, carefully sliding whatever he was working on beneath an already solid stack of papers, out of sight. He turns to her- and notes that the particular shade of pink she's wearing today complements her complexion well, but offers no audible compliments. Visibly he is tired- his facial features give way to dark circles and blanched skin. He is, however, just as put together as ever in a simple white oxford and beige cargo trousers. There is a light sheen of sweat beading on his eyebrow. He had been in the greenhouse since early morning.

"You can come in if you like- Or uhm. I can come out there. It's hot in here," he warns and stands from his desk, taking several long strides to meet Eloise at the door, opening it the rest of the way as to offer an invitation. He takes the food from her hands and silently thanking the God's for the benevolent southern belle next door- Eloise's Mother.

"I was just finishing up some research but I should take a break anyway. I'm starving."

[eloise darmody]

With her head stuck in the crack of the greenhouse door, Eloise’s eyes eventually found Atticus, just as he shoved whatever he was working on in to the stacks of paper and turned toward her. She noticed that he looked tired, and thought that she probably looked the same. The last few days had been hard for her, after finding out about Ben. She was emotionally exhausted, and though most of her tears had been spilled by now - Ellie was still astonished that something like this had happened to Ben. Yes, she had known plenty of people who had died, close friends she had met who were also battling cancer, but being murdered was different.

” I’ll come in, I don’t mind the heat. “ She answered, smiling at him as she slid in to the space created from Atticus opening the door. Ellie relinquished the food willingly. She was also thanking her mother, delivering food meant that she could get out of the house. Her parents had kept her cooped up in the last few days, following Ben’s death.

She grinned at his comment about starving, ” Well, now you have some southern food to snack on. My mother is thrilled she has someone who appreciates her cooking living just next door.” Her mother simply adored cooking for Atticus. The two of them shared some kind of southern bond, that all of the northern born people around them just didn’t understand.

Eloise moved farther in to the green house, looking at the plants. She loved flowers, and had never been in the greenhouse before other than to call for Atticus when she was delivering food. ”Are you doing ok?” Ellie questioned, looking over her shoulder at Atticus as she studied a plant intently. ” I know you and Ben were, “ She paused looking for the right word, ”friendly. We all studied together and stuff.” Eloise continued to look over her shoulder at Atticus.

[Deleted]

“I really am grateful. Please tell your Mother that. I know I say this every time but I don’t think she knows how much it means to me,” Atticus professes earnestly, following Eloise deeper into the greenhouse, securing the door behind them. He peers curiously beneath the lid of the tupperware, the sweet scent rising up, and he closes it again, placing it off to the side to take when he leaves. For now, he would speak with Eloise. Food could wait.

He moves behind her, also staring at the plant. It was an angel’s trumpet- very pretty and very fragrant. The white flower opened upwards towards the heavens, it’s stamen reaching above the expansive petals. He folds his hands behind his back and responds promptly when the question he’s expecting- and it was imminent, is asked.

“I’m fine,” he replies shortly, although he does not mean to sound short or cross with Eloise. This was merely a tactic of aversion. Atticus was rarely one to admit something even if well within the means of rationale, was wrong. Although very sensitive, he wasn’t going to let anyone, let alone Eloise, know the extent of his grief. He wouldn’t cry. He wouldn’t even bat an eyelash- not here at least. His mourning would be silent, it would be restricted, and it would surely never see the light of day. He quietly sidesteps the petite girl and carefully touches the milky flower.

“Datura. Sometimes people call it a moonflower. It’s quite lovely I think. They used to use it as medicine and in rituals in ancient India. Too bad it’s deadly poisonous. It’s a very popular method of suicide in Europe I hear,” he observes, letting go of the delicate petals. “A lot of flowers are like that. Alluring and horrible.” A pause, and his eyes glaze over, remote.

"I just wonder what happened is all, Eloise. I'm fine."

[eloise darmody]

” I’ll tell her.” Eloise promised with a smile. She knew that Atticus was grateful, and she was glad that her mother could make him happy. He seemed so closed off most of the time, and so it was nice for her and her mother to have a part in pleasing him.

She knew he moved behind her, even as she looked at the plant. His response was the exact one she had been expecting. In the time she had known Atticus, she had never known him to be particularly forthcoming. She didn’t respond to his pronouncement that he was fine. She had nothing else to say about it, there was really nothing else to say. Besides, he was talking about the flower she had been so admiring.

The tidbit of information he gave her was both interesting and horrifying, and she turned her body completely so that she was facing Atticus rather than the flower, putting her closer to the boy. ” It is lovely. “ She agreed. Eloise was interested in the fact that he had given her, she liked facts. It was a morbid fact, but some information none the less, and she liked to learn. ”Does it hurt, do you know? When it kills you?” She questioned in a casual manner, tilting her head a little and reaching out to touch the flower very gently in the same spot that Atticus had just been grasping.

Still looking at the flower, and touching it gently she spoke again, ” I wonder what happened as well. It’s all just very bizarre.” Eloise responded, raising her head and fixing her eyes on the young man for a long moment before looking away. ” It’s scary, because it’s probably someone from here, maybe one of our neighbors.”

[Deleted]

It was very hot in the greenhouse, just as he warned earlier, but when Eloise turns around it suddenly feels about twenty degrees warmer and the torrid air stifling. Sheepishly he takes a step backwards, bumping into the table and nearly knocking a terrarium of sizable Venus Fly Traps over onto the ground, which he luckily stabilizes just in time, and he quickly recovers. Uneasy, he undoes the top button of his neatly starched collar, clears his throat, and replies, though his demeanor and body language is suddenly strained.

“Well, the toxicity depends of a few different factors. Age, location. They say it acts sort of like a drug, putting the user in a delirium. The lines of fantasy and reality become blurred. They say it’s very frightening,” he pauses. “Maybe it’s best that way. Maybe the user has no idea what’s going on, in reality. That would be best I think,” he says with a brief nod of the head.

When Eloise mentions their neighbors a suddenly benthic sinking feeling manifests itself within his stomach. It churns. Despite his sense of maturity and background there was a part of Atticus that remained, still, rather naive. It had not occurred to him that someone had done this to Ben, especially someone that they could have possibly known and interacted with on a day to day basis. He frowns.

“I wouldn’t listen to your parents. It could have been anyone. He was found outside of town after all.”

[eloise darmody]

When Atticus backed away from her and bumped in to a table, Eloise chuckled a little bit and grinned at him. ”First time on the new legs, Bambi?” She joked, her tone teasing but not mean at all. She was poking fun, but not in any attempt to be hurtful or mean. Eloise studied him for a minute longer, noting how uncomfortable he looked. Eloise was aware that not everyone enjoyed people, and social situations as much as she did, though she was an extrovert, drawing her energy from people around her.

She focused her attention back to the flower as Atticus began speaking about it. Eloise wasn’t sure she would want to die not knowing what had happened to her. ”Sounds scary.” She responded. ” Though, I don’t think I would want to die that way. Frightened and Unsure like that.” Even if she had no idea she was dying - not knowing what was real and what was not sounded horrifying and Eloise had seen so many friends die that she wasn’t sure it was the best way.

Eloise abandoned the moonflower and moved toward Atticus again, her attention focused on the Venus Fly traps in the terrarium as she spoke again, ”I know, but I just find it hard to believe someone came in here and killed Ben. An outsider I mean.” She paused then, and gestured to the terrarium containing the carnivorous plants. ”Can we feed them? I had one when I was little, and feeding it is so cool.”

Eloise began to feel the heat then, reaching behind her, she began to braid her long hair as she waited for an answer. The braid would get the hair off her neck, and off her shoulders and hopefully cool her down.

[Deleted]

Atticus offers no response on the subject of the moonflower, though Atticus muses what he might have said had the conversation been with any other colleague. However, because it was Eloise, and because Atticus had a basic understanding of her past, he said nothing, keeping his tongue held down firm on the sensitive subject of death. Truth be told, Atticus had not ever thought of just how he would like to die, if the situation had called for it. To Atticus, death was the last thing on his mind. After all, he was not like the fragile annuals and biennials flourishing in his greenhouse. Atticus was a perennial, and a stubborn one at that. The delicate Eloise, however, had experienced her own brush with death in which her encounter left her all the more wiser. Decidedly, he lets the subject drop.

On the subject of Ben, however, Atticus frowns, a serious response. He doesn’t reply at first, moving towards his desk to pick up a shoebox hidden beneath with holes punctured through the top, and then makes his way back towards Eloise with the box.

“They’re alive. They like live food better than dried insects. They’re hunters, after all,” he says and carefully lifts up the lid, fearlessly palming three of the squirming insects. He then grasps the smaller girl’s wrist, holding her hand steady.

“Don’t freak out, okay? Remember you’re going to be operating on cadavers one day. Live insects are no big deal, right?” Atticus offers an amused grin, transferring the live insects into her hand, folding her neatly manicured fingers inwards, enclosing them. Her hands are soft unlike his own, covered in callous’s from endless scrawled writing, from tireless hours of working on his greenhouse, from his amateur carpentry each time a plant grew too large for it’s planter. Hers spoke of a different lifestyle, idle and privileged, something that was quite different from his own.

“I’m going to lift the lid so you can drop them in.” With long arms he reaches around her, lifting the terrarium’s glass lid from the enclosure. He becomes painfully aware of the curve of her now bare neck, the scent of her shampoo, one that rivals even the most fragrant of his flowers. Atticus is, after all, still just a teenage boy, refined or not. Eloise however, is his friend, just his friend, and that is something he must remember. Once the insects were dropped safely within the confines of the glass walls, he closes the lid again, backing away from his neighbor, inwardly sighing in relief. He then turns to put the insects away.

"...I don't want to believe it was anyone we know, especially any of our neighbors, or someone from school. And... I don't know if it was just me who noticed, but Ben was acting pretty strange before... you know, Eloise. I know he never considered me his friend but I like to think I knew him well despite that."

[eloise darmody]

Had Atticus continued the conversation of death, Eloise would have been have to continue it. She had discussed death at length with doctors, nurses, parents, and other cancer sufferers. Though many people shied away from mentioning it around her, Eloise had no issues with death. Yes, she was not ready to die and had fought hard for her life but if it happened, she would go gracefully in to that night, as long as all the options had been exhausted. As Atticus moved to get the box of bugs, Eloise finished braiding her hair, and left it falling over her shoulder, and hanging down her front. Pieces escaped and hung down near to face, framing it.

She stood on her tiptoes, watching intently as he plucked the insects out of the box. Holding out a hand, she was surprised to feel his fingers on her wrist. It wasn’t a bad sensations, she just had not been expecting the skin on skin contact, and looked up at Atticus intently, her face transforming in to a grin at his amused smile. ”Promise.” She responded when he said don’t freak out. ” Speaking of cadavers, I hear we get to dissect a cat in AP Bio this year.” From her tone of voice, it was clear that she was excited by the prospect. Eloise had always enjoyed science classes, and taking things apart.

As she spoke, he had enclosed her hand over the bug, and Eloise felt the roughness of his hands against her own. She was wearing pink nail polish that day, and could glimpse the pink poking through Atticus large hand, which had covered hers. ”I’m ready. “ She commented, when he mentioned that he was going to lift the lid up. As Atticus moved behind her, she felt the heat of his body and the solidness that comes when someone is near you. The air is no longer empty behind you.

As the lid was lifted, she stood on her tiptoes, dropping the bugs in to the terrarium. With the lid places safely back on, she turned around only to see Atticus putting the bugs away. She had no idea she made him nervous, or the like. Leaning carefully against the table the terrarium was on, She twirled the end of her braid as he spoke. ” We was acting really strange. ” She agreed, her face flushing a little as she remembered, or maybe it was just from the heat of the greenhouse.

” And I don’t know Atticus - I mean, sure you guys weren’t best friends, but you two spent time together.” She countered, tilting her head as she spoke. ” I guess it’s silly yo keep worrying about it, the police probably already have some kind of suspect.”

[Deleted]

Atticus nodded his head somberly, turning to face Eloise once again, happy to have that distance set between them. He wasn’t exactly the kind of fellow who got a lot of attention from girls, let alone ones who were quite pretty, even on a strictly platonic basis. He watches the insects crawl across the floor of the terrarium behind Eloise- carelessly, until one of the traps snap close on it’s poor writhing body. It would remain trapped there for the next few days as the plant slowly digested the insect alive. Although Venus fly traps were capable of photosynthesis, they flourished much more when conceding to their own carnivorous nature.

“I don’t think it’s silly at all actually,” his voice sounds with a resolute confidence that was not much like his usual speculative nature. Atticus was concrete and factual. Dark eyes flit away from Eloise’s solid gaze. He hadn’t much confidence in Ashwick’s police force. Chances are, there was no subject in mind, and if there was, they were likely wrong. “I wish I could feel that way. I’m rather envious of your sense of security. I can’t help but feel that something about all this is innately wrong. I think you know exactly what I mean by that, too.”

Atticus takes a few steps towards Eloise again, his eyes set on the terrarium. He gently nods in it’s direction as to motion the capture of yet another vexing insect.

“I’m not trying to freak you out so don’t take it that way. I’m simply inferring that maybe Ben got caught up in something he shouldn’t… or maybe I’m just being overly suspicious. Who really knows?”

A second fly trap snaps close around it’s victim, settling into it’s soil with a sort of smug satisfaction. He leans over the terrarium, quietly observing the interaction of the two creatures, although it is something he’s seen several times prior- he still found it deathly fascinating each time.

“So. Dead cats you say? You sound awfully thrilled about that notion, MD Darmody. I do believe you are well on your way to the makings of a true John Hopkins scholar. I on the other had, would prefer the company of fair flowers to felines soaked in formaldehyde,” he says, scrunching up his nose.

[eloise darmody]

Eloise had completely missed the first bug getting devoured, as she was still focused on Atticus. She listened intently as he talked. Atticus always had excellent things to add to the conversation, and Eloise genuinely liked talking to him. She didn’t say anything at first, just sighed and ducked her head to stare at her toes, which were painted the same color pink as her nails. Eloise stared down for a long moment, not bothering to raise her head she spoke. ” I know.” She answered, ” I just can’t think of anyone who would want to kill Ben. And you’re right - he was being, weird.”

As he moved toward her she glanced up, brushing a piece of hair out of her face. At his nod, she stood upright from leaning on the table and turned around to watch as another insect was captured. She smiled a little. Carnivorous plants were cool.

” Atticus, it’s probably good to be overly suspicious at a time like this.” Eloise stated.

Her mind turned over his statement about Ben being caught up in something bad, something he shouldn’t have. She had Ben had been close, had been friends. Surely he would have told her? But maybe not. He would have told Alexandra probably - he had pulled away from Eloise when they had started dating. ”Maybe you’re right about him getting caught up in something, but what kind of bad things are there to get caught up in , in Ashwick?” It wasn’t a particularly seedy place.

Atticus was next to her again, leaning over the terrarium and she turned to look at him as he spoke again, turning the attention back the cats she had mentioned. She laughed softly when he called her ‘MD Darmondy.’ ” I am excited, though that probably seems a little macabre. Excited about cutting open cats.” Eloise shook her head a little at the thought.

” Though, I agree with you the formaldehyde is horrid. There was a girl in my bio class that puked last year because of the smell, when we were dissecting the frogs.” Eloise offered, her eyes still fixed on Atticus. ”Your flowers smell good, which gives them the one up on dissecting cats.”

[Deleted]

“There’s bad and obscene things everywhere. Even in the prettiest places in the world. Don’t think that Ashwick is excluded. Things happen behind closed doors that you couldn’t even imagine. Horrible things,” comes his quieted response, a small window into Atticus’s strange life opening for just a second with this statement- for Atticus had seen many atrocities from people who were considered pious. “Good. Good but not wise. If you gaze for long into an abyss, it also gazes into you. I admire your optimism. Keep it close to your heart.” With that, he drops the subject of Ben with a definitive finality.

As Eloise expressed her passion for animal dissection Atticus took a brief stroll around his greenhouse, checking on each of his plants, glancing intermittently at the petite girl clothed in pink, finding it hard to believe that those words were coming from her mouth and just how lovely and inviting it all was despite the subject of the exchange- formaldehyde vomit, dead cats, and all. He stops succinctly, plucking a particularly enticing lily flower- large, showy, and colorful- and one, with a keen eye for detail, matched the girls current ensemble. He twirls the six petaled flower, rolling it’s delicate stem between his thumb and forefinger, leisurely making his way back towards the girl whose attention was still enrapt in the show of predatory venatics. When she looks up at him again, he carefully slips the flower behind her ear, and Atticus stands back to admire the composite of the two, curiously cocking his head to the side.

There is silence.

Then, like he’d done nothing at all, like the small sweet gesture had not just occurred, he moves towards the door of the greenhouse and picks up the food which Eloise had brought over. Before exiting he offers a terse nod of his head.

“I’ll be inside. Mrs. Donahue is upstairs,” he says, and then exits.

[eloise darmody]

It was something in Atticus tone that made Eloise focus every iota of her attention on him as he spoke. What he was saying was important, and she had been trying to get him to open up since she had met him. Her head bowed then, as he continued on talking about horrible things. She knew horrible things happened here, but she didn’t think those horrible things included murder. ”Atticus.” she murmured, her tone strained a little. She said his name because she didn’t know what else to say, and because she felt she had to say something. Especially as the conversation has just morphed in to another level of seriousness that Eloise wasn’t entirely sure how to deal with. She raised her head again, looking at him as he talked about her optimism. She didn’t feel very optimistic in that moment.

As he moved away from her, walking around the greenhouse, Eloise pitched her voice a little louder to make sure he could hear her with ease. Her attention was still focused on the carnivorous plants. In fact she was so in to the plants, that Eloise didn’t hear him approach and she was surprised that he was so close when she turned around. Ellie smiled at the flower in his hands. ”It’s beautiful.” She stated.

When Atticus slid the flower behind her ear, Eloise closed her eyes, and kept them closed until he stepped away to study her. When he did, she studied him right back, her fingers reaching up to gently touch the petals of the flower that had been tucked behind her ear. She was surprised by the sweet gesture, touched and her heart was thumping against her ribs as she stared back at him. In the silence, she was sure he could hear her heart thumping.

Leaning back again, against the table she watched as he exited, saying nothing as he mentioned Mrs. Donahue and the door slammed behind him. Eloise leaned against the table for a long moment, feeling her cheeks flush a little as she replayed the events in her head. She hadn’t expect such a thing, or such conversation from Atticus. After a good few minutes, she stood and carefully touched the flower once more before following in Atticus’ footsteps toward the house.

Her footsteps echoed on the floors, and she glanced around almost frantically for Atticus before crossing to the stairs and calling up, ” Mrs. Donahue? It’s Eloise, Atticus said you need help picking a dress?”